Well ain’t this just a fine situation. I spend the majority of my days pretty bored anyway, but this has hit a new level. I don’t think I’ve watched so much television in the past year as I have in the last week. Luckily I do have a variety of programing to choose from, or at least plenty to keep me entertained. We have a Netflix account, Hulu, Amazon, and also a Plex + account. I spent this past weekend wearing out the Plex option. They recently started including movies with my account, and I really hadn’t been inclined to even look at them. Well, the recent events have certainly provided ample opportunity to check out some programming diversity, so I took a look. After browsing around a while, I decided to focus on the Zombie genre. I feel with the current virus spreading rapidly around the globe, I might be able to gain some valuable tips on how to react when it invariably mutates. (And, rest assured, it will; this is but one of the insights I was able to glean from these documentaries.) I also thought it may provide use to others if I was to list some tips here, in order to share some of the key defense methods. Keep in mind, there are many, many different strains of Zombie out there, so I tried to cover a cross-section that will keep everyone safe in any situation.

1. Should you have to deal with a zombie of demonic origin, fear not. They always wear black robes with hoods, and as such are easily identifiable and dealt with. Standard weapons will suffice for defense.
2. That said, should you be dealing with demonic zombies, and you happen to have been given the Key To The Gates Of Hell as a child, do NOT toss the key down a portal in an effort to end the outbreak. It will end very poorly. Unfortunately this was the conclusion of the movie, so I am not sure what the proper response would have been. But, definitely not throwing it down a portal.
3. If you have the misfortune to encounter ninja zombies, your best bet is flight. Run, and run fast. Granted, you don’t really stand a chance, so you may also consider throwing up your hands and accepting your imminent demise. On the upside, once they get you, you’re done for. You aren’t reanimated as some horrible creature causing more mayhem, so don’t worry about that added indignity.
4. Should your buddy/spouse/domestic partner/etc fall victim to a zombie, you should always disarm them before covering the body. That way they cannot use the weapons against you when they come back. ** Does not apply to ninja zombie victims. They’re just done.
5. With the notable exception of zombies resulting from demonic possession, voodoo, or similar black magic, zombies can reliably be traced back to scientists. Usually scientists with the best intentions, but that doesn’t really matter after it’s too late. I am starting a go-fund-me page in an effort to ban science. (But it might be too late.)
6. Zombies come in a wide variety of athletic ability. Some can jump, some are very quick, and some just bumble along. However, much like snakes, if you are close enough to identify them, it’s too late. Appropriate measures should be taken from a safe distance.
7. Aim for the head. Duh.

List of sources cited:

1. Zombie 4: After Death
2. Zombie Ninjas vs Black Ops
3. For a Few Zombies More ***
4. The Zombie King
5. Zombieland: Doubletap
6. Dead Rising: Endgame

*** Footnote: The zombie outbreak in this movie, while viral in nature, ended up being sourced by extraterrestrials. I found it a fairly entertaining film, however I just do not believe there to be any factual basis for aliens causing these situations. Hence, I omitted them from the list of eradication tips.

I anticipate gathering many more tips over the coming days, and will update this list as available. Another go-to pastime has been cooking, of course. That hobby pretty much provided the weekly pics.

We took a quick trip out of town this past weekend, if not very far. I don’t know if this was following “the rules,” but we went and got the motor home and rolled about an hour down the road to nearby Lake Minden. As far as the lockdown… Well here is my reasoning: We got our motor home, we drove to the lake. We did our little camp thing for two nights, interacted with nobody, and drove back home. Seemed the same as staying at home to me. Anyway, we had a good time. We hadn’t been to this campsite before, and I’d say it earned a B-. Nice enough, but probably not worth the extra drive from our go-to spot in Coloma. And the mosquitoes…. WOW. With my luck I’ll escape the big virus scare but get malaria from that place. They actually drove us into the motor home in the evenings, which sort of stunk. I wanna sit outside! Eh, we made do. Saturday was our “full day.” We fired up a smoker and cooked a 6 lb. pork butt for entertainment. Came out good! Put it on about 8:30 in the morning, sat around watching it cook for 10 hours, and had a nice dinner. Day well spent in my book.

OK so in reality, we haven’t been even semi-quarantined. For better or worse, we have been effectively carrying on our normal routine, such as it is. Being in the state of CA, that could change very soon though. State motto, “There is nothing that can be done, that can’t be overdone.” If all our usual haunts get shut down, I guess we’ll just stay home. We’ve got a few dozen eggs and a nice variety of dried beans, should be good to go.

As for the weekend, it was pretty much on par with any other. Friday we had some friends over and grilled chicken sandwiches. I think after dinner we must have watched a movie or played cards or some similarly wholesome activity, but the details elude me at the moment.

Saturday I headed out with a few other couples on an impromptu “support the local economy” tour. I must say, I am a bit confused on all the new “rules.” Half the directions are to stay home and occasionally mist yourself with Lysol, the other half are to get out and support the suffering businesses. So, at least this weekend, I opted for the latter. We had a great time, although I doubt my $4.95 contributed much their cause. Meanwhile, Donette was spending her time volunteering at a local animal shelter. Admittedly probably better time spent than mine, but we can’t all save the world. She has been spending some time at Foothill Dog Rescue, better known locally as “Home of Quinn & Nacho.” (I fully expect them to update their signage any day now.) It was a rainy cold day, and we sort of anticipated them shutting down early so she could join our crowd. Matter of fact they were crazy busy and adopted out 15 dogs!

Sunday was rainy and cold too. Not much to work with here. We went out for dinner mostly out of sheer boredom, and that pretty much covers the day.

So that’s the end of that vacation. It was a good one though. Sort of hard to go wrong in Hawaii. We started off in Honolulu with our friends Michael and Alaina. We were only there for two nights, which honestly is about all I want to see of that island anyway. We kind of kicked around checking out the area around our hotel since we didn’t have a car, and then the second day went to the Pearl Harbor Memorial. Unfortunately it was so crazy-windy we didn’t even get to dock at the memorial. Can’t control the weather I guess. After that short stop, we flew on to Maui and met up with our friends David & Jill from Texas, and their daughter Casey. Haven’t seen them in quite a while, so that was a good time. Honestly there isn’t a whole lot to cover here, despite a nice 5 night stay. Day 1, we went to the beach and pool, and did a little snorkeling. Day 2, we went to the beach and pool, and did a little snorkeling. You get the idea. It all went by way too fast, but I guess vacations do. Got some great pics though, here’s a few.

A quick note, just to let everyone know that we are, in fact, still kicking. We are in the lovely state of Hawaii, enjoying a brief respite from The Grind. We spent the weekend in Honolulu, and now we’re in Maui. And, as usual, it’s glorious. Having laboriously typed this lengthy update on my phone, I shall now head to the beach.